The Home of Tax Free Asskicking
Random things
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- Chaucer has a blog! And it’s hilarious.
- You people are lazy,get working on your North Korean Cartoons! I have recieved nary a one. [update: except Kate, who has drawn the Speed Campaign Youth Shock Brigade!]
- Speaking of North Korea, I joined the Yahoo Songun Politics discussion group, probably landing me on the No-Fly list. I’ll have to explain to the Department of Homeland Security that I was being ironic. At least I used my super-secret alias, Col. Sonobovich. Also, nothing I try to post ever makes it past the humorless Songun commissar/censor. For example, after someone posted an article about a visit to the palace where the Eternal President lies in state, I asked if Kim Il Sung was taxidermized like Lenin and if you could rub his head for good luck ^__^. Censored by the Commissar/Moderator! Then I cut-and-pasted a KCNA article touting their “telex and telegraph” technology. I included no sarcastic comments, but that too was censored. I do, however get to read their silly conversations.
- That V for Vendetta movie is based on the most bizzarre holiday of all time: Guy Fawkes Day. I was introduced to Guy Fawkes Day when I was a clueless American living in London in 1999. I was walking past some chimney-sweep type kids in a subway station when one of them said: “Pennyfitheguy?” I looked at them blankly. ”PENNYFITHIGUY!” the two of them said together, like I was the stupidest person they ever saw in their lives. “Excuse me?” I said. “Give us a Penny_For_The_Guy” said Chimney Sweep #1. That’s when I noticed the dummy. They had a dummy. Okay. When in Rome … I gave them a penny to Chimney Sweep #2. He threw it down. “Not just a penny, any money!” Ungrateful little wastrels! That penny would buy them a ha’ hogshead of gruel at ye olde orphanage! They were not getting any of my hard-earned farthings, sixpence, shillings or guineas! So I walked away. Later, I found out that on Guy Fawkes day they blow up a 17th Century nobleman terrorist in effigy with fireworks in revenge for his failed plot to explode Parliament. Kids beg for money to buy fireworks, so it’s kind of like Halloween, the Fourth of July and Sept. 11 all rolled into one. I told you it was weird. The movie is even weirder, I hear.
- I have no Internets! There is no broadband where I live, and my free hookup to dialup access disappeared last month. That’s why the updates have been kind of infrequent lately. How is a cheapskate to get online? Any suggestions?
- Go visit Rob’s blog, if you haven’t already, since most of my traffic apparently comes from there. Go there. Play Pointquest if you wish, but be warned, I will beat you.
George Galloway humiliates self more than usual
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George Galloway, the Stalinist British MP was on a trashy reality show drinking milk from the “cupped hands of the once famous television actor Rula Lenska,” meowing and acting like a kitten.
That’s more humiliating than 10 junior high school proms. Ironically, Galloway is a member of the “Respect” party.
Countdown to gloating Christopher Hitchens column: 1 day.
Update – Turns out he was all over the Kitten thing like cream on the lip of a washed-up leftist hack. It just wasn’t up on Slate, where I usually read Hitchens rants.
Lego churches (thanks, Miriam)
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Sometimes you see something that makes you want to play with Legos again. Like this cool church devoted to the Flying Spaghetti Monster.
Or this one, which is like, a regular mega-church, made of legos. So it’s like a mini-megachurch.
Those little lego guys remind me of the Moonies for some reason. It’s slightly creepy, actually. Though, I have no room to talk when it comes to having a megalomaniacal obsession with creating legions of tiny followers. The Lego church is a great way to have your own cult without all the legal and press problems that inevitably follow with a real one.
Jerky for you, jerky for me
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This quote from my e-mail sums it up nicely:
Dear Mr. Sonobovich,
We wish to welcome you to House of Jerky ®.
One of my gaming buddies, Scott, gave everyone homemade beef jerky last night for Christmas. Not having eaten dinner, I savagely devoured all my jerky in one sitting. Today, my teeth hurt because the preservatives in the jerky have partially dissolved my gums. chewing huge amounts of delicous jerky loosened my molars. But it was worth it. Mmmmm… jerky.
This experience inspired me to order some ostrich jerky from the aptly named House of Jerky ® . I’ll post a full review once I get it!
Last year, I and the sports editor at the paper I work at convinced a gullible vegetarian colleague that lemon-pepper chicken wings were in fact ostrich wings. Juice dribbling down our chins, we described how baby ostriches had the tastiest, most succulent wings of all. We made her cry. It was a good day.
So, when I saw that ostrich jerky is on sale, and I can be an eater of ostriches for real, I jumped at the chance to try it before it is banned by the FDA.
Suffer not the heretic to live
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Okay guys, I just got the memo. We can’t let the liberals win the War on Christmas. From now on, don’t say “Happy Holidays” anymore (it’s godless libero-communist plot to sap and impurify our precious bodies of eggnog,) say “Merry Christmas” instead. Also, replace the following phrases with “Merry Christmas:”
Season’s Greetings
Happy Hanukah
Happy Halloween
San-Frantastic Solstice to you
Go fuck yourself
Allah hu ackbar
Death to America
By the Power of Grayskull
Thanks!
How to name a blog
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It took awhile to figure out what to name this blog. Mostly because the name of something should have to do with the point of whatever it is, and this blog has no point. I was going to call it another crappy blog but sadly, that was already taken so is another stupid blog and yet another blog .
I thought about
“astupidblogthatwillserveasaforumforthethoughtlessrepetitionofotherpeoplesideas.com”
but that was too long.
I settled on “The home of Tax-Free Ass Kicking” because the motto of my home state, Delaware, is “The home of tax-free shopping.” Delaware happens to be the boring, consumerist,dystopic creditcardocracy that the asskicking-filled movie “Fight Club” is based on. Also, on this blog, I will provide tax-free asskicking services.
