The Home of Tax Free Asskicking
First contest entry
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Katja sent in the first entry in the North Korean cartoon contest. This fantastic drawing depicts the "Speed Campaign Youth Shock Brigade" mentioned in several KCNA articles.
Take a moment and appreciate the details. First, the eye is drawn to the very realistic portrait of Kim Jong Il carried by the leader of the brigade. Note the towering pompadour and oversized glasses that are the Dear Leader's trademarks. Moving on to the shock brigade members, you can see why they are called the speed shock brigade. These guys are dressed for a running down capitalists. They have hot pants/athletic shorts, sweatbands and even running shoes with little communist stars on them! Amazing. And without those jumper cables, bristling with voltage, they would be just the speed campaign youth brigade. They have so much sheer energy they actually leave a trail of lightning bolts. They are keeping their motivation from flagging by shouting patriotic slogans in the inimitable style of KCNA news releases. And in case their spirits should begin to flag,a commissar following behind wields a fearsome "well-shaped cucumber." All in all, I think this is exactly what the real Speed Campaign Youth Shock Brigade looks like. Katja takes an early lead!
Random things
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- Chaucer has a blog! And it’s hilarious.
- You people are lazy,get working on your North Korean Cartoons! I have recieved nary a one. [update: except Kate, who has drawn the Speed Campaign Youth Shock Brigade!]
- Speaking of North Korea, I joined the Yahoo Songun Politics discussion group, probably landing me on the No-Fly list. I’ll have to explain to the Department of Homeland Security that I was being ironic. At least I used my super-secret alias, Col. Sonobovich. Also, nothing I try to post ever makes it past the humorless Songun commissar/censor. For example, after someone posted an article about a visit to the palace where the Eternal President lies in state, I asked if Kim Il Sung was taxidermized like Lenin and if you could rub his head for good luck ^__^. Censored by the Commissar/Moderator! Then I cut-and-pasted a KCNA article touting their “telex and telegraph” technology. I included no sarcastic comments, but that too was censored. I do, however get to read their silly conversations.
- That V for Vendetta movie is based on the most bizzarre holiday of all time: Guy Fawkes Day. I was introduced to Guy Fawkes Day when I was a clueless American living in London in 1999. I was walking past some chimney-sweep type kids in a subway station when one of them said: “Pennyfitheguy?” I looked at them blankly. ”PENNYFITHIGUY!” the two of them said together, like I was the stupidest person they ever saw in their lives. “Excuse me?” I said. “Give us a Penny_For_The_Guy” said Chimney Sweep #1. That’s when I noticed the dummy. They had a dummy. Okay. When in Rome … I gave them a penny to Chimney Sweep #2. He threw it down. “Not just a penny, any money!” Ungrateful little wastrels! That penny would buy them a ha’ hogshead of gruel at ye olde orphanage! They were not getting any of my hard-earned farthings, sixpence, shillings or guineas! So I walked away. Later, I found out that on Guy Fawkes day they blow up a 17th Century nobleman terrorist in effigy with fireworks in revenge for his failed plot to explode Parliament. Kids beg for money to buy fireworks, so it’s kind of like Halloween, the Fourth of July and Sept. 11 all rolled into one. I told you it was weird. The movie is even weirder, I hear.
- I have no Internets! There is no broadband where I live, and my free hookup to dialup access disappeared last month. That’s why the updates have been kind of infrequent lately. How is a cheapskate to get online? Any suggestions?
- Go visit Rob’s blog, if you haven’t already, since most of my traffic apparently comes from there. Go there. Play Pointquest if you wish, but be warned, I will beat you.
Death!
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This guy was near my office, and he looked just like the Grim Reaper!
So I took a picture of him. Then, he looked at me. Instead of the skeletal face of death, there was this kind of squirrelly dude with a mustache who looked like he was wearing a black hoodie to hide his face from the cops.
Unicorn Power
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I know I’ve been kind of fixated on comics lately, but this strip from the Perry Bible Fellowship had me chuckling for days whenever I thought about it. Heh heh heh. Guess it’s still working.
I kind of want to get a Unicorn Power T-shirt. I e-mailed the guy who does the comic, Nicholas Gurewich, and he said plans are in the works for just such a shirt as well as Pro-Skub and Anti-Skub shirts based on this comic. I’m totally Pro-Skub, by the way.
Wearing a pink “Unicorn Power!” t-shirt, I think I would get several types of reaction. I would make a cool USA Today pie chart, but I’m too lazy:
1% – “Wow, you read Perry Bible Fellowship,lol, I like that comic therefore I like you too!”
2 % – “You sure are brave to wear a shirt like that, sir. You are inspiring me to acts of Gay Pride!”
5 % – If I wore this shirt into a den of hipsters, they would immediately set down their laptops. Earbuds would come out in reverence and all would gaze through plastic-rimmed glasses in awe. “You are the one foretold of in prophecy,” the lead hipster would say. “For you are wearing the most ironic t-shirt ever of all time. Sit in this throne as we worship you as our new god.”
7 % – Would give me a weird look and pretend to ignore me.
84% – “Nice shirt, gay-wad!” (punch in the stomach)
1% (six-year-old girls) – “Yay, Unicorns!”
It would be kind of inconvenient since I’d have to explain to 84 % of people I met that it’s not gay if you’re being ironic, hopefully before they punched me. Or I could just wear it in Rehoboth and not care if people thought I was a flaming pinko.
I like the Perry Bible Fellowship because I think it is one of the only good comics out there right now. The comics page of newspapers was a dumping ground of cliches before, and after Calvin and Hobbes. PBF, on the other hand, is pure genius. First of all, there’s the artwork. Vague, puffy, happy looking people and awesome detail on the unicorns. The whole effect evokes the weird world of kids’ books and cartoons of the ’80s. The writing is always absurdist, like in this one, where he ascribes serious power to t-shirts. And I love the way he reveals just a bit of information in each panel with the last one tieing it all together. It’s very cinematic.
Update: I got a Unicorn Power shirt!!!!
North Korean cartoon contest
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I’m getting in on the cartoon contest action. Here’s the challenge: Take any phrase from the North Korean Central News Agency and illustrate it. Send it to me at sonobovich@yahoo.com, and I will then post it here if it is not the goatse picture. This will be good even if you are a totally sucky artist. Use any medium whatsoever, including and especially MS Paint. Here are some ideas:
”Repressive Machines”
“Speed Campaign Youth Shock Brigade”
“Cannibals in Human Skin” (Their pet name for U.S. troops)
The video game “Splinter Shell 3″ (They obviously mean “splinter cell 3” This would be a good one to photoshop)
“well-shaped cucumber”
“Lurking behind this despicable conspiracy and collusion of traitors, human scums and remnants of history is a dark tentacle of the United States”
If you need more ideas, go to the Database of North Korean Propaganda. They have a searchable database of KCNA, and some fun search suggestions.
The winner gets a well-shaped cucumber, a floral basket and the gregorian calender will be reset based on your birthday. Send in your entries by March 30.
