The Home of Tax Free Asskicking
I never thought I’d hear the phrase “cartoon jihad”
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You know what really burns my embassy? Offensive cartoons.
Garfield, for example, has never been funny. And Hizzoner’s Closet makes me want to burn down the entire town of Smyrna.
You can tell alot about people by their reaction to the “offensive” cartoons of Mohammed. Fundamentalist Muslims and governments burned down Danish embassies, boycotted Danish goods, killed a bunch of people, torched lots of flags, contributing to global warming, and re-named Danishes to “The Roses of the Prophet Mohammed”. You can see the original cartoons here, since mainstream newspapers have been too cowardly to reproduce them.
Then, came the contests. After a few leaders spoke out on behalf of free speech, an Iranian newspaper launched a holocaust cartoon contest. I’m pretty sure you can view some of the submissions here, though these might be regular Iranan holocaust-denying cartoons that have nothing to do with the contest.
They have several points in doing this. 1: Every problem can be solved by attacking the Jews. 2: Europeans are hypocrites, because they have laws against denying the holocaust, and no laws preventing people from making fun of their religion and hurting their feeewings. 
…
I think they are right about the holocaust denial laws. Here in America, we have the right to print whatever stupid conspiracy theories we want.
The holocaust cartoon contest has provoked several reactions. The best one is here. A couple of Jewish cartoonists have totally undermined the Iranians by starting their OWN anti-semitic cartoon contest.
“We’ll show the world we can do the best, sharpest, most offensive Jew hating cartoons ever published!” said Sandy [one of the contest founders] “No Iranian will beat us on our home turf!”
Some bloggers, envious of all the attention Denmark got, started a mohammad cartoon contest. I won’t be entering that one. They know where my blog is and might burn it down like they do everything else.
Lastly, The Beast is sponsoring a “color me tolerant” coloring contest. The winner gets an all-expenses paid trip to Najaf, Iraq! The contest is only open to kids under 12.
It’s a good thing there are still some good cartoonists out there who haven’t gone into hiding. If you want to see some really excellent, hilarious cartoons, check out the Perry Bible Fellowship and Toothpaste For Dinner.
Keen on posting American-style view on grammar from North Korea only
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Interesting facts about the United States, according to the Korean Central News Agency:
“The Law Institute of the DPRK Academy of Social Sciences in an indictment on Feb. 19 branded the United States as the world’s biggest human rights abuser and a typical criminal state as it has failed to guarantee its citizens elementary rights and wantonly violated international human rights norms in different parts of the world while being keen on spreading American-style view on value worldwide only.”
Damn. They caught on to our scheme of being keen on spreading American-style view on value worldwide only.Kind of eerie that they chose to phrase it like that. Just this morning I said, “Pass the butter. I am keen on spreading delicious butter on toast whole wheat only!”
According to the indictment:
“There are more than 60 kinds of election restrictions in the U.S. whose federal states have their own laws.”
What?
“More than one third of the black are denied job for the mere reason that they are colored.”
Huh?
“The freedom of thinking is also encroached upon in America. About 200,000 agents and over 21,000 repressive machines are now engaged in quelling progressive ideas in the U.S.”
Holy crap! Repressive machines!
“The U.S. encroaches upon the right of independent mass media at home and abroad.”
True, but, just a second … this from the country’s ONE CENTRAL NEWS AGENCY!?!??! At least here in America, our snarky alternative news weeklies can put our President (a.k.a. Dear Leader) in his rightful spot (#6) in a list of the 50 most loathsome people of 2004.
Let’s see the Korean Central News Agency call Kim Jong Il or Kim Il Sung “The worst piece of shit ever to run this country.” Then I’ll believe they have free speech.
Real Time “Strategy”
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I’m playing Age of Empires III right now, Microsoft’s real-time strategy game about building colonies in the New World. To tell you the truth, it’s kind of a hassle. Playing it feels like doing homework. The problem is that they made it a big pain in the butt to control your units. In order to be successful at the game, you have to collect tons of food, wood, and gold for your empire. Unfortunately, this task is accomplished by a crew of Village Idiots you train one by one at your town center.
Your Village Idiots (and you need a horde of them to survive) pop out of your town center standing there with their hands in their pockets waiting for orders. Get used to this posture becuase just like real life, your workers are lazy drones who care nothing about productivity. Tell one to chop down a tree and he’ll work diligently as long as you are watching him like a hawk. But as soon as the tree falls down, he will stand there waiting for more orders. Ditto with gold mines, which become exhausted very quickly, berry bushes and game birds. To make sure you have enough resources to keep your army, navy and economy going, you have to constantly harangue 60 or so Village Idiots.
Your army is recruited from the same population of morons. When you lasso up a bunch of units and order them to march somewhere, they will rally up in a neat, efficient combat formation. Cool! But at the first sign of an enemy unit, they will devolve into a disorganized mob, each one pursuing a different enemy across the map. Then they get mixed in with your villagers, and, unless you want your gold miners marching off to the front, you’d better zoom in and pick them all out before resuming battle.
These are not the skills of a governor or a general. They are the skills of a Kindergarten teacher.
“Cody! We don’t eat paste. Use it to glue the macaroni to the construction paper. No, like this. Jennifer, what did you do to your hair? Oh my goodness. I’ll take you to the little girls’ room in just a minute. Andre, did your gold mine run out? Don’t just stand there, go two feet over there and start on the next one.
Strategy? Ha!
Cartoon violence
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Michelle Malkin’s orgasm over the muslim cartoon riots shows no sign of abating. Frankly, I find the right wing’s free speech outrage to be pretty disingenuous. Fighting for free speech only counts if you disagree with what’s being said. Malkin is not offended by the Muhammed/bomber cartoons. Let’s see how she likes these apples!
Wingnut-bashing aside, I totally support Denmark. They have nothing to apologize for. After the snowstorm, I’m buying some Havarti.
